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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27921391">inertia</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/searialism/pseuds/searialism'>searialism</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Grey's Anatomy, Station 19 (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>&amp; there's some, Amnesia, Angst, F/F, Memory Loss, it's a few years into the future</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 20:13:31</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>4,089</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27921391</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/searialism/pseuds/searialism</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>carina looks at her, and there's nothing there.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Maya Bishop/Carina DeLuca</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>113</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>inertia</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>i was looking for some notes for class and found this fic i started a few months back, instead, unfortunately for my exam. it was mostly a finger exercise but i cleaned it up so here we are.</p><p>seems im going the distance w these two.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p>.</p><p> </p><p>It's just after midnight and other than a few non emergent calls, it's been an uneventful shift.</p><p>It's not that the calmer days aren't great, it's that they're dull. Maya loves everything about her job, but she was made for fires; the thrill of arriving at a scene, barking out orders and watching her team follow in perfect formation, pulling out survivors from smoky ruins.</p><p>That's what she signed up for. But there's a lot more to her job than fires and some days, she's at her desk all day, bogged down by copious amounts of paperwork.</p><p>Today is one of those days. She's got almost two hours left of this shift and the most exciting thing to have happened so far was dinner.</p><p>Jack decided to experiment, instead of following one of the usual recipes.</p><p>He made some kind of vegetable soup that smelled so bad everyone else refused to partake. Maya's eyes crossed at the tiny spoonful she snuck and she banned him from touching the stove for a month, when she brushed her teeth and still couldn't get the aftertaste out.</p><p>They made do with the TV dinners in the freezer but that was almost an hour ago and she's since been trying to finish a stack of incident reports before they're called out again. </p><p>It should be routine, but the page she's reading is refusing to register. Maya's gone over it multiple times, but each time her eyes glaze over before she gets even halfway down the page. After she reads 'incident number 3000456' for the tenth time, Maya pushes the file away and digs into her pocket for her phone, pulls up Carina's contact.</p><p>Carina's been away, her latest maternal study the highlight of a medical lecture series in Vienna. She left just over two weeks ago and their communication has been a blur of FaceTime, voice notes, texts and long phonecalls.</p><p>She's back in three days and has been updating Maya pretty regularly, but she's been strangely quiet today.</p><p>Maya's about to press send on a text detailing Jack's attempt at poisoning them all earlier tonight, when the man in question blows into her office, brandishing yellow latex gloves in his hand like a knife .</p><p>"Am I being punished?" Travis says, before Jack can speak, slipping under Jack's arm on the door and barging into Maya's office.</p><p>"Think I'm the one being punished," Jack says.</p><p>It seems like it's Annoy The Hell Out Of Maya o'Clock, because Dean sticks his head through her open window and asks, "Does anyone have an extra charger?"</p><p>"What is happening right now?" Maya tilts her head and stares at the men crowding her doorway.</p><p>They all shrug in unison and it's a little funny, their grumpy synchronicity.</p><p>"Are we having an office party?" Vic is suddenly there too, because why not.</p><p>She pokes Dean on the forehead, grinning when he frowns at her, then saunters into Maya's office. Dropping into the seat across from Maya's desk, she lifts her feet like she's about to put them up, but a glance at Maya's raised eyebrows makes her reconsider. </p><p>"I just want to know why I've been on bathrooms all week," Jack says, his voice dangerously on close to a whine. "Because we're supposed to have a rotating schedule but somehow, I'm the guy who's had to stick his hand in the toilet everyday."</p><p>"Montgomery, switch with Gibson," Maya says, before someone else can interrupt.</p><p>"What? No, c'mon Captain," Travis complains. "We have a couple of hours left, just let me man the phones."</p><p>"Yeah, I'm not going back and forth with you on this. Bathrooms. Now."</p><p>Travis opens his mouth to respond but seems to think better of it and shrugs. "Fine. It's better than dealing with pranks calls for the rest of the night, anyway."</p><p>"Those dumb kids are back again?"<br/>
Jack holds out the gloves to Travis.</p><p>He leans away, staring like Jack's offering him a literal turd. "Um, I'll get new ones, thanks."</p><p>"Is anyone going to tell me where I can find a charger?" Dean huffs, leaning against the door.</p><p>"There're a whole bunch in the media room cupboards Miller, go look."</p><p>"Great," He's up with a lazy salute, Travis walking off with him.</p><p>"Hey Maya," Vic says.</p><p>"Yeah?"</p><p>"When's Carina getting back?"</p><p>"In," Maya looks down at her phone, "two days and fourteen hours. Approximately. "</p><p>"Oh approximately, huh?" Vic's got this little knowing smile on her face.</p><p>"Why'd you ask?"</p><p>"No reason. You're just extra wound up with her gone."</p><p>"And mean," Jack offers under his breath. Like someone asked him.</p><p>Maya narrows her eyes. "That's weird, it sounded like you just asked to be back on bathrooms for the rest of the week."</p><p>Vic looks on, amused, as Jack holds up his hands. "Did I say mean? Because I meant authoritative. Firm." He scratches his head. "Do you hear a phone ringing? Because I hear a phone ringing. I should go take care of that."</p><p>"You do that," Maya says, snickering once he's out the door. </p><p>"That looks like hell," Vic says, nodding at the mess of papers on Maya's desk.</p><p>"Oh, it definitely is," Maya says with a sigh. "Any chance you want to help me finish up?"</p><p>Vic puts a hand on her chest, dramatic. "I would, but dinner sucked and I have negative energy, so..."</p><p>Maya gets what she's doing, but dinner did suck and she's also starving. Frozen peas and freeze dried potatoes does <em>not </em>a full meal make.</p><p>Opening the third drawer of her desk, she takes out the house credit card they use for food and slides it over.</p><p>"Order something. Not from that pizza place on 11th, their crusts are shit, but anything else is fine. Unless you don't have the energy?"</p><p>Vic jumps to her feet. "And I'm up. It's an end of shift miracle."</p><p>Maya rolls her eyes. "Go order, I'll come join you in a second."</p><p> </p><p>The guys find them just as the food is delivered and help them set the table.</p><p>Vic ordered a family style chicken dinner, and they pass hot sauce and wedges around, argue over who deserves the tiny macaroni and cheese the diner accidentally packed instead of their usual.</p><p>"I should get it because I ordered."</p><p>"I made dinner tonight, so I should get it," Jack says, then wilts when everyone shoots him a glare.</p><p>"That's actually why you're disqualified, man," Warren adds, swiping the container. "I'm taking it. Age before beauty."</p><p>He dumps it onto his plate, which is stupid, because there are five forks digging in almost immediately. </p><p>The defeated look on his face makes Maya bite back her smile, looking at Dean who just grins, proud. </p><p>"Not it for dishes," Vic says, around the last bite of (Warren's) mac and cheese.</p><p>"We're not even done eating," Maya says, standing to get some water.</p><p>"I'm just planning ahead before—"</p><p>The klaxon goes off.</p><p>"—that."</p><p>"Think it'll be a quick one?" Travis asks, going to put his plate away.</p><p>Vic rolls her eyes. "Not now that you've gone and jinxed it."<br/>
<br/>
Maybe they'll get lucky, Maya thinks.</p><p> </p><p>/</p><p> </p><p>They don't get lucky.</p><p>The fire is raging when they arrive and it's almost three hours before they're trailing back home, exhausted.</p><p>Vic gives Maya a ride home and is yawning so much when they arrive that Maya offers her the couch. </p><p> </p><p>/</p><p> </p><p>Someone violently shakes Maya awake.</p><p>She opens her eyes, groaning when Vic's face comes into focus, too close.</p><p>"What...?" Maya rasps, voice sleep heavy.</p><p>"We need to get to the hospital," Vic says, low and firm, with finality. It chases any last remnants of sleep away, the grim look on her face making Maya sit up and think the worst.  </p><p>"Is Andy okay? Is it the baby, is she—</p><p>"It's not Andy. It's Carina—Andrew—he tried to call you but you left your phone in the living room and." Vic takes a shuddery breath, runs her hand through her hair, pushing back her headscarf.</p><p>"What?" Maya asks, in a small, hard voice, her mind going somewhere she doesn't want it to, without her permission.</p><p>"Andrew said there was an accident. Maya, we need to get to the hosptial right now."</p><p>Maya just blinks at her. She's hearing Vic's words but they aren't making sense. Carina is in Vienna, two days and an ocean away.</p><p>She's safe.</p><p>Only, that isn't what Vic is saying because she's speaking again, something about driving and getting dressed.</p><p>"What?" Maya asks, again, dumbly. Everything feels distant, and she can hear Vic talking, but every other word is garbled.</p><p>"There was an accident, and it was bad, that's—that's all Andrew told me. He just said to get to the hospital. Maya, we should go."</p><p>Vic reaches out to her, but Maya leans away from her outstretched hand, feels dazed, because the words 'carina' and accident' don't go together, but somehow, Vic is saying them and she won't stop. </p><p>"We should go," Maya says, her voice coming out steadier than she feels, because she doesn't feel anything but nausea.</p><p>This time, she doesn't push Vic's hand away when she drops it on her shoulder. She even lets Vic hand her clothes: baggy sweats that are actually Carina's, loose around the hips and too long at the ankles, balled up socks, and a faded sweater she tugs over her tank top.</p><p>"I'll drive," Vic says, and that too, Maya goes along with because she feels a little bit like she's underwater, can't quite make herself emerge.</p><p>At any other time, she would hate herself for losing control to this extreme, for being entirely useless as Vic takes charge, guides her to the car and starts driving.</p><p><br/>
<br/>
/</p><p> </p><p>Arriving at Grey Sloan is like setting a switch off in Maya's brain because she gets out of the car and suddenly, everything is too much. Too bright and too loud and the world is going too fast.</p><p>Maya shakes her head, tries to get a handle on the cold panic spreading through her bones, but it doesn't work. Her feet are rooted to the ground, and it's only after Vic's soft but forceful prodding that she finally enters the ER. </p><p>It's loud and busy, too many broken bodies littered around the place, the scent of disinfectant and blood overwhelming. There's a woman wailing over the body of a child, and Maya stops walking and stares; she can almost taste the copper in the pool of blood gathering underneath the hospital bed, before a nurse pulls the curtain shut.</p><p>"This way," Vic says, gentle and slow, and Maya is still too out of it to snap at Vic for handling her like a child.</p><p> </p><p>They emerge from the ER and Maggie is waiting for them at reception, jumping up from where she's leaning on the nurses station.</p><p>"Dr. Altman and Dr. Bailey are in the OR now. Amelia is still at Seattle Pres, she's trying to get out of the surgey there but Tom Koracick? You met him last year at the fall gala. He'll be working on Carina, too. He's just as good," Maggie says this in one breath, voice steady, even as tears drip down her face. "He's just as good" she says again, sounding more like she's reassuring herself, than Maya.</p><p>Maya thinks she replies but she isn't sure. They take the stairs, because none of them can bear to wait for the elevator, following Maggie as she leads them to a private waiting room.</p><p>They find a congregation.</p><p>Maya doesn't have the wherewithal to process how everyone arrived so quickly—maybe Vic called them— because Jack and Travis are there, sitting side by side with Ben.</p><p>Andrew is pacing near the door, and he takes one look at Maya when she enters and calls out her name, sticky and broken and not at all like himself.</p><p>It shakes her out of her daze.</p><p>"What happened?" Maya's throat feels raw, like she's been yelling and she bites her lip to stop it from trembling.</p><p>Andrew swallows, wraps his arms around himself. "The car she was in flipped," he says wiping harshly at his face, "the driver died on impact but Carina—she went through the windshield, she was—"</p><p>Maya doesn't realize she's grabbed his arms, until Andrew looks down. She's pressing her thumbs into the middle of his wrists, trying to will him, somehow, to stop and go on at the same time.</p><p>"How? Why was she here? She wasn't supposed to be back for another two days," Maya whispers, more to herself than anything.</p><p>Andrew won't meet her eyes anymore and is now staring down at where their bodies are connected. "She was trying to surprise you," he says, voice void of all emotion. "She finished her lectures early and—"</p><p>He stops talking, but it doesn't matter.</p><p>The words claw their way into Maya's body, settle heavily in her heart and the panic she's been suppressing only by sheer will bubbles up in her chest.</p><p>Andrew hadn't said it, but Maya heard it anyway. She feels at once that this is her fault, because Carina would be safe and untouched if she hadn't come back early. If she hadn't come back for Maya. The weight of that revelation makes her sway where she stands.</p><p>There's a warm hand on her elbow holding her steady and Maya turns to find Andy next to her, wet hair piled on top of her head, wearing a jacket that looks too big.</p><p>"Andy," is all Maya gets out before she's pulled into a hug. It's too tight, Andy's arms wrapped around her are like logs, and Maya can hardly breathe but the pressure grounds her, stops the dizziness overtaking her vision.</p><p>"Vic told me everything. I'm so fucking sorry." Andy says, when she finally lets her go, "Here. Let's sit."</p><p>Maya doesn't want to sit but she can't really stand to be near Andrew and his directed grief, either, so she moves to the padded chairs behind everyone else.</p><p>They're turned away from everyone and other than careful hands on her shoulder or elbow as she passed them, no one is handing out empty platitudes and she's glad.</p><p>There is nothing they can say to take away the devastation she feels, like a part of her has been sliced away.</p><p>She should be encouraged or calmed, maybe, by these people she knows and loves, gathering and showing up but she looks at MaggieAndrewJackTravisBenVicAndy and only sees the reason they're gathered, feels the loss of the one person that isn't there and is almost blinded by white hot rage.</p><p> </p><p>/</p><p> </p><p>They wait.</p><p>The room they're in has its own coffee and vending machines but no one has moved to get anything.  </p><p>After two hours, Andy's constant shaky leg, Maggie's whispered assurances and Andrew's hollowed out look—it all gets to Maya, and she needs to be anywhere else.</p><p>She gets up wordlessly, doesn't react to Andy's concerned look and ignores Jack asking her where she's going.</p><p>She wouldn't have an answer for him, anyway. Walking the halls aimlessly doesn't help much but she feels like she can breathe, no longer getting side glances from everyone, no longer sitting and waiting, useless, as they anticipate news about Carina.</p><p>Maya finds herself trying to recall their last in person conversation, and is angered when she can't call to mind all the details of it. Carina had left for the airport early in the morning, before the sun was up. She'd insisted on taking a town car instead of Maya driving her because it was a week into the new year and the station was swamped. Maya thinks she should have fought her on that, now, because she had let Carina go with a kiss and a sleepy promise to call once she landed and that was all.</p><p>She's caught up in her thoughts, not at all paying attention, when she bumps into someone.</p><p>"Excuse—oh. Captain Bishop."</p><p>Jiya, Carina's favorite resident, is looking up at Maya with pity and sadness of her own, gripping at the tablet in her hand.</p><p>"I heard about Dr. DeLuca," Jiya says, running a hand through her hair anxiously.</p><p>"Carina," Maya says, because Dr. DeLuca sounds like somebody else, right now, adds too much distance, and she can't take it. </p><p>"Carina," Jiya agrees, sniffing. "I—we, all the residents and a bunch of interns? We just wanted to let you know how sorry we are. It's unimaginable."</p><p>Maya just nods, trying not to show any annoyance on her face, because she knows Jiya and everyone else just cares but all their pity does nothing for her.</p><p>"I should get back."</p><p>"Of course," Jiya looks like she might say something else but just nods. "Take care."</p><p>Maya turns away, walks down the hall and slips into a random room, stands with her back flush against the wall, and stays there, digging her nails into her palms until they're raw and her hands stop shaking.</p><p> </p><p>/</p><p> </p><p>Vic hands Maya coffee when she returns, and she doesn't drink it, just lets the cup warm her hands.</p><p>It's been four hours now, and they've gotten two updates. Amelia has arrived, according to Maggie and is in the OR, too, now.</p><p>Everyone is still here, waiting.</p><p>Another hour passes and Maya doesn't even feel it.</p><p>She's staring into her coffee cup, the top of it covered in cold film, when the door slides open.</p><p>It's Amelia.</p><p> </p><p>/</p><p> </p><p>"I don't understand."</p><p>"He means," Amelia says, glaring at Dr. Koracick, "it went well but there was more damage than we anticipated."</p><p>Maya waits to see if Andrew will add something but he doesn't, just stands there and listens. In a way it must be worse for him; he actually understands the full scope of Carina's injuries.</p><p>"Okay," Maya says, "but what does that mean?"</p><p>"We won't know much until she wakes up," Koracick cuts in, "with this type of head injury there is a lot of waiting, unpredictability."</p><p>"So you don't know anything?" Maya snaps. She turns to Amelia. "What about you, is there anything useful you can tell me?" It comes out harsh, but Amelia just absorbs it, doesn't react.</p><p>She has practice, and Maya can see all the hallmarks of a good doctor. Calm and collected, it's easy to see how patients would be assured. Or she would see. She's angry, and scared and she can't fix the things that are making her angry and scared, can't do anything but wait. And Maya has never been patient.</p><p>"We got all the bleeders and we're hoping the neurological damage will be minimal. I know this isn't what you want to hear, but she's actually doing very well for all the injuries she sustained."</p><p>"The abdominal trauma was minimal as well, and even with the hemorrhaging she should heal without issue," Bailey adds.</p><p>"And her respiratory injuries should do the same," Dr. Altman says, placing a hand on Maya's wrist. "We're all so sorry this happened, we—"</p><p>"I want to see her."</p><p> </p><p>/</p><p> </p><p>Carina's got bandages on her neck, one peaking out of her hospital gown, and another on her abdomen.</p><p>Amelia mentioned that that she would look different and Maya's no stranger to a bit of blood and bone but it's immensely different, harder, when it's someone she cares about.</p><p>Carina's face is covered in cuts, butterfly bandages covering the worst of it, a thin line of stitches disappearing into her hair. She's on the sallow side of pale and the bottom half of her face is covered with a ventilator.</p><p>Maya doesn't move to touch her or do anything, just stands at the edge of the bed and takes everything in.</p><p>She had to wait for Andrew to be done visiting, because they had gone in at the same time but his devastation at the sight of his older sister, battered and patched together was suffocating. Maya let him hold her hand so tight she lost circulation, the whole time wishing Carina was awake because she would know what to do, what to say.</p><p>Maya keeps waiting to feel relieved or grateful that Carina's okay, but everytime she looks at her sleeping form she feels something closer to despair.</p><p>They're keeping her sedated, the swelling in her brain needs to go down before they can can attempt to wake her up.</p><p>The rise and fall of Carina's chest, the beep of the monitoring machines, the low beat of the clock in the corner, they all fade into white noise.</p><p>Maya can't breathe.</p><p>She thinks she might sink into herself, the pressure in her chest that has been building all night finally snapping.</p><p>She lets out something very close to a whimper, her eyes burning with tears that don't fall. She feels like she might fade away, right there, and closes her eyes, tries to will herself steady. When she opens her eyes again, she catches Carina's left hand twitching. </p><p>Maya forgets about the tears gathered in the hollow of her throat and the headache she can feel behind her eyes. She takes a step towards the bed and stares at Carina's arm, wondering if she imagined it when after a beat nothing happens. </p><p>Its not her imagination.</p><p>Carina's arm twitches again, then her entire left side. Her entire body is trembling in a second, and that kicks Maya into action, the start stop motion of her body hard to look away from. She feels nauseous.</p><p>"I need help in here!" Maya yells, rushing to Carina's bedside. She wants to turn her onto her side, what she knows of seizure procedure coming back in an instant but she doesn't want to tangle the wires and make things worse. She doesn't get to make a decision because nurses enter and shoo her away from Carina's side.</p><p>Amelia and Dr. Koracick are paged and they burst in, speak over each other, tell Maya to stand near the wall and to "let them work,"  Amelia more kindly than Koracick.</p><p>It's one of the hardest things Maya's ever had to do, but she doesn't interfere, just gazes on as they help Carina, who is pumped with even more meds and looks even more fractured, if possible.<br/>
<br/>
</p><p> </p><p>"You can hold her hand, or even talk to her if you want," Amelia says, after.</p><p>Her own face is red and splotchy, and Maya knows she's hurting too, but she has nothing comforting to offer her.</p><p>Carina's hand is hanging limply off the side of the bed and Maya covers it with her own, suppressing a sob at how bruised and cold it is.</p><p>Amelia stands behind her, silent.</p><p>"Should we let some of others in?"</p><p>"Not yet," Maya says, flatly.</p><p>There's a hand on her shoulder then, Amelia moving closer as she tries to offer something. Reassurance, maybe. She catches Maya's eye but doesn't speak, just waits with her until she's paged away.</p><p>Andrew comes in again, just as Amelia leaves and doesn't look at Maya, just makes a beeline for Carina.</p><p>He's speaking to her in Italian, openly crying, just a little, as he hovers at the other side of the bed.</p><p> </p><p>/</p><p> </p><p>The bathroom on the third floor pediatric unit is covered in cartoons. So far, Maya has counted two ladybugs, an orange monkey and a smiling sun.</p><p>She's sitting on the floor of a bright pink stall. It's gross, because kids aren't known for their excellent hygiene skills but none of that matters, not now.</p><p>Her mouth tastes sour and salty, because she's just vomited the entire contents of her stomach into the tiny toilet.</p><p>She had stayed with Carina for a few hours, spoke to her in low comforting tones, tried to reassure her, but every little twitch and rise of her chest just made Maya think about the accident, about Carina tossed on the road, fading in and out of consciousness and how scared she must have been. It made her want to break something.</p><p>Maya had to get away. </p><p>She's ashamed of herself, knows she should be better than this, stronger than this. Carina needs Maya to not be this weak shadow of herself who can't enter her room without taking a deep breath, who gets tears in her eyes watching her sleep.</p><p>Maya thinks of how she's letting her down, remembers that the whole reason Carina is here in the first place is because of <em>her</em> and bile rises in the back of her throat.</p><p>It's a false alarm. There's nothing left, just bitter acid.<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
<br/>
-</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>if you see any medical inaccuracies, no you didnt:) google is free &amp; med school is not, and no one is in this for the science, anyway.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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